Tra la, It's May the Lusty Month of ...

It's one thing to go ape over someone, but when a fan sent me this photo (top) of a gorilla at the zoo carrying my photo, I didn't know whether to be flattered or frightened...I mean an ape is infatuated with me... or maybe he thinks I'm his cruel, mean boss woman and is picketing against me... down with Dona!! ... oy! I suppose it could be worse... it might be a cougar or a lion. As long as he doesn't try to look me up, it's OK...and I'm definitely keeping my hide away from the zoo...Anyway, the photo (second from top) of my friend's birthday bash with two male strippers really got me in the mood for May. Yes, it's the lusty month of May, dolls, so enjoy!

What's the word around Hollywood? At the opening of God of Carnage @ the Ahmanson. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were sitting two rows in front of me and my friend Don, who was reviewing the show... talk about calcium deposits, I've never seen so many cheekbones at one time in my life. The pair probably want to do the film of Carnage...if they want it, they'll get it...talk about Hollywood clout...they'd certainly rake in the bucks at the box office...B & A were photographed as they escaped their fans by using the tunnel from backstage to the garage...What a life!

(Ryan Miller/Capture Imaging)

And weddings, dolls! LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrion, Prince William... and a new show on cable - as if Bridezillas isn't enough - with that little diva wedding planner Tori Spelling and her hubby Dean McDermott. I don't know, my dears, but Dean looks mighty overpowered by Tori on this show, as she's calling most of the shots. He seems to be along for the ride! Remember when she showed more vulnerability and he was there to pick her up out of her doldrums? What do you think? Like their past shows better? Loved the bed and breakfast episodes, also the one where she reconciled with her mother Candy Spelling, but this new one might be headed straight to the flush zone! Let's do another gay wedding...now that one was cute and different. And where are their two adorable kids while they're doing all this so-called planning? Is Candy babysitting her grandkids? Hmmmm... what a laugh!

All these pretty couples thrown into the marriage bin...ugh! They'll find out! Live and learn! I leave you, my friends, with pleasing thoughts for May. Go see Burn the Floor @ the Pantages Theatre in Hollywood until May 8 and think LUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hasta junio, munequitas! (I'm learning Spanish from Don. Couldn't resist trying it out and challenging you!)

Amor, pesetas y el tiempo para gozarlos!

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I am not political, but am shocked and appalled by people's rude behavior, especially by politicians who represent the people and then put only their own selfish attitudes into play. The picture that was circulated about President Obama's origins is obnoxious. Questioning his birth credentials has got to stop. It's really gotten out of control.

This photo, which appeared recently in most newspapers and via wire services, goes beyond racist.

My photo and comments at the beginning about our two-legged furry friends are used purely for comic effect, but this photo is unforgivable. Stand up and object!!

Dear Diva Dona

I love your new column and would love to meet you personally. May I phone you at the number I saw on the lavatory wall of that hot joint in PS? My picture is below and I'm definitely worth it.
If interested,
contact me @
 lol
CH

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Dear CH,
Thanks, but no thanks! I'm not that kind of woman! I can see why you have been on all those magazine covers, though! Keep reading!
best,
Dona
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To My Readers,
See what I mean. Ah, the cost of fame and what one must go through living in sleezy, tawdry Hollyweird!
lol
Dona

XXX Rated - Not For the Little Brats

When someone told me I was bigger than life on the wall of an out-of-town lavatory, I was appalled. My friend took this shot. Would you believe the man on the right actually flashed my friend? I will not mention the name of this place, as I do not want my fans to frequent such an establishment - and for heaven sakes, leave the little tykes at home. Someone had the unmitigated gall to put my phone number next to the picture on the wall. It's not mine, so don't even waste your time to check it out - unless of course, you're T D & H and stinking RICH!

Who or what is on display here?

My portrait is on display at a local museum. A classy one, don't you think? I don't mind being gawked at, but, my dears, that gal on the right needs to buy a larger blouse. I mean, I love seeing flesh displayed properly, but that is a disgusting sight! And on a woman no less! Ugh!

More Dona Adulation

Even President Obama is a HUGE Dona fan!

Another Dona Fan Fetish

Oy! Am I on a downward spiral? From around the neck to below the navel!

April, 2011 Easter Basket, Anyone?

OMG, I feel like a pretzel in an M & M!  Easter egg avec moi ce soir? Easter isn't until April 24, very late this year! It's a big religious holiday for foreigners. It's more sacred than Christmas. They take Holy Week off from school and business, and everyone reflects on the true meaning of life. Getting depressed? I sure as hell am! And...adding to the depression, one of my favorite divas of all time - La Liz - left us March 23rd. So sad! I loved her! True Hollywood GLAMOUR! She had it in spades. The last of a dying breed! And to think how she sacrificed it all for her brave performance as Martha in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf! Hard to believe she was only 34 at the time she filmed that. She was amazing! And what about her undying commitment offscreen in the fight against AIDS? She was a gem! No other quite like LIZ!! I miss her already...
I am so flattered when people compare us!

I frankly don't think the look in my MGM lion test picture is anywhere near Taylor's ferocious growl as Martha, but I get fan letters all the time telling me I should pick up the drama where Liz left off. Me, a drama queen?
We're both public figures with ex husbands, though she beat me numberwise in that department and just about every other broad in Hollywood! If I could only live up to her stellar reputation for charity and good will. C'mon, Dona, you can do it! Time to come down off that pedestal, and give, give, give!
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With Easter fast approaching, that means spring, dolls! And of course, in spring, ladies' minds turn not only to romance, but to fashion - the latest fashion! What is truly chic these days? ...Knock, knock...helloooo!? I was shocked and appalled to see the newest leisure wear modeled in a top selling magazine:

Mmmm...the Farmer John look. OK! Big, loose and sloppy! Kind 'a looks like what I wore fifty years ago to milk the cows or to conceal those extra unwanted lbs. Ughhh! What a thought! I hope leisure means around the house. Where would this gal go on a date? More to the point, looking like this, would a guy want to take her home to mother? With minds in the gutter these days...who has time for mother anyway? And what about the hair? THE HAIR??!! She's wearing it extra long and tossed over the shoulder. If it's short, what's in these days?

Not much different long or short! Did she just get out of bed, or better still the haystack?! And how much did that Bev. Hills hairdresser charge her for this unkempt holy mess?   Oy!!! 'Nuf said!
Where has all the glamour gone?

Happy Easter! Keep thinking spring and GLAMOUR - it's here somewhere. If so, Dona WILL find it and bring it your way! May, dollcakes!