Where are the DIAMONDS? Yes, my darlings, DIAMONDS are a girls's best friend and there WERE DIAMONDS on this bracelet when Prince Charming gave it to me, -- friggin years ago when I played Cinderella in a bus and truck tour of the R&H wannabe opus. Now it's just a BAUBBLE!
Well, it's my friend Don G's birthday on the 17th ... what to get him? He hates jewelry, so that's out. Maybe, See's chocolates: no! he's started another diet... Let's see how long this one lasts! Ha! I know ... I'll call mutual friends -what friends, you query? - and throw him a surprise party...Oh, that's right...after his 40th surprise BDAY party, he told me if I ever threw him another surprise party with a room full of strangers and tired old queens, he'd kill me. OMG, I know the perfect gift...I'll fly him over to the West End to see some shows this fall...if he will get his ass on a plane...can't believe he's scared of flying... or crashing, whatever the case may be...He's one helluva guy, even if he is one helluva royal pain in the rear.
Have a great August, my dears, cherish every baubble that you have, and if you find my DIAMONDS, send them on FEDEX...I will roast the asshole alive that abducted them from me!
ps And, oh, puleeze stop writing and telling me how much I look like Don G! He only wishes he had the fabulous skin tone that I have. I have the skin of an 18 year-old. Don't you dare tell me to give it back, because I'm wrinkling the bejesus out of it!!!
... To get out of the bushes and stop trying to do an impression of me! I know he needs a new 8 x 10, but this is ludicrous! No shrub enhances beauty, charm and grace - at least the natural kind to which I am accustomed.
Alan Cumming gave me the peace sign. He was actually saying "F- - - off!" to a barrage of autograph hounds and paparrazi. Well, can you blame him, my dahlings? I could get into celeb chasing pap stories that would curl your p - - - - hair! That's fodder for another time. See you in August with my monthly dish!