Saturday, March 24, 2012

April Column - What's In Your Easter Basket?

Dolls, I'm basically a good Catholic girl who's terribly shy at heart. Would you believe I used to sing in my church choir and attend midnight mass on Easter? Well, those cute alter boys in procession around the church sure gave me a lot to look at. I used to wonder just how serious they were about the religion. Was I the only one with impure thoughts - and with the unmitigated gall to mask them by feigning holiness with a few rounds of "The Hallelujah Chorus"? Shame, shame on such hypocrisy! No Easter basket pour moi! Now that I'm a big girl - and you know how big I am - nothing's changed. It seems like changes should have occurred over the years, but they haven't. I still have impure thoughts - oh, yeah, one change: I've given up the choir and Lent and the Church altogether. Boy oh boy, you say, I sure could use a few prayers - and Hollywoodland or Sin City is certainly not the best place to be. But I still believe I'm good at heart, so that must count for something. OK, if I'm no longer religious, does Easter hold no more meaning than that enormous See's Bordeaux egg that's staring me in the face?
Again, shame on me! I must learn to share-even my candy! Well, as I'm meditating and trying to come up with the best solution to my problems, since this is Holy Week for some, Passover for others, why don't you help yourselves to that candy? In moderation of course! Or give it to some small hungry child who's just drooling for a sugar fix. Tell him Dona sent it with LOL. Take a look at this silly story someone sent me about the true meaning of Easter.

What Is Easter?

Three stupid guys just died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first man, "WHAT IS EASTER?" The man replies, "Oh, that's easy, it's the holiday in November when everybody gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful..."
"WRONG," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second man the same question, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
The second man replies, "No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second man, shakes his head in disgust, looks at the third man and asks, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
The third man smiles and looks St. Pete in the eye.
"I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and He was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took Him to be crucified and was stabbed in the side, made Him wear a crown of thorns, and He was hung on a cross. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder. Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if He sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter."
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Cute take, huh?
I'll be back in a few days with tales of celebrity Easter celebrations. Baskets, bunnies, bonnets - name your Easter poison!
Well, dolls, one look at the photo below just about made me want to puke - big time! I mean I've stopped going to church and the ... Kardashians go together on Easter Sunday? It's downright...As Big Daddy would say...deception, deception, I'm surrounded by deception...
I'm too upset to continue. Hopefully, May will perk me up! Enjoy!!!