Welcome, dolls, to Hearts On Fire Month! Hollywood is a hot romance town. One minute you're married and the next you're engaged to someone else! Who has a long-lasting relationship here? Well, the last time I really looked into it, I found a few souls who have stuck it out together, like...well, Annette Bening is still married to Warren Beatty...lovely, quite admirable, indeed! And will she finally snag that Best Actress Oscar this year for The Kids Are Alright? Annette has lost before to a younger actress...she's resilient...here's hoping she whips their butts this time around! Who else is still happily trapped...I mean hitched? Catherine Zeta-Jones still loyal to Michael Douglas, and standing by him in his hour of need. Noble, yes! These oh so beautiful couples! Lovely Helen Mirren is still with director Taylor Hackford and they appear the perfect couple...Ah, but underneath, who knows what dirty secrets lurk! Talk about perfect... What happened to me, dolls? Taboo topic! This gal was once a tempting catch, but... betrayed by an ass- - - -, 'nuf said!... as to the newer crop of actors? Well, my dears, did you see this year's Golden Globe Awards? I never saw a more unhappy face than that of Angelina Jolie. Are she and Brad Pitt still happy? They looked pretty bored to me...hardly looked at each other, and I question whether it was Ricky Gervais' comment about The Tourist that made her seem so sober faced...Anyway, onward and upward...hearts on fire!
Love and sex in Hollywood of course depend largely on how young one looks. I have to admit that with a touch here and a touch there, most Hollywoodlanders look better, but it never ends. They seem to want to look YEARS younger and so the procedures go on and on until... Take Cher, or Joan Rivers, for example, wanting to fix her underarm dingledangle. For those of you who watch the new Cable series Joan and Melissa on WE, she practically showed her entire body on screen. (see my reaction below as I watched on my cell screen)
That takes guts and Joan has guts to pass around, but the doctor said an emphatic NO, which pleased Melissa! Joan's reached her limit! We all want to see her stick around awhile longer; PS is life-threatening at a certain age...and What about Burt Reynolds? Skin peel? Face lift? The last time I saw him from the rear he was pretty , well no more perky buns...oops! Oh, dolls, you're too young to remember that Cosmopolitan photo layout of his! Oy! Fan me! I'm shpritzing!!! Should a man have plastic surgery? Why not? To preserve what these guys (below) have, well, not for me, anyway! When all is said and done, Dona refuses to go under the knife for any cosmetic reasons. Let me suffer alone, if that's the way it must be! As Lesley Gore sings, "It's My Party!" But I'll make the best of what I do have and so should you! Advice: celebrate Valentine's Day with a bang; go out and live, live, live! As Auntie Mame said, "Life's a banquet and most poor sons-a-bitches are starving to death!"
And always remember in your heart of hearts:
What a grand thing, to be loved! What a grander thing still, to love!
I can't believe my eyes, dolls! My popularity is stretching across the globe. I'm being sought out to run for office in a foreign land. President? What about First Lady? I guess I'd need a hubbie for that, and after my last marriage to a foreign ...well, forget it! The honor still makes me pause a moment, though, just to consider the consequences of a grande lifestyle. Hmmmmmm...I'd still do my column of course, but I wonder what kind of celebs I would encounter there? By the looks of this frenzied lass, I'm the hottest gal on the map! Yippeee!!
Check back in February! My heart's all a twitter...no, not on Twitter... twitter!!