August Madness

Where are the DIAMONDS? Yes, my darlings, DIAMONDS are a girls's best friend and there WERE DIAMONDS on this bracelet when Prince Charming gave it to me, -- friggin years ago when I played Cinderella in a bus and truck tour of the R&H wannabe opus. Now it's just a BAUBBLE!

Well, it's my friend Don G's birthday on the 17th ... what to get him? He hates jewelry, so that's out. Maybe, See's chocolates: no! he's started another diet... Let's see how long this one lasts! Ha! I know ... I'll call mutual friends -what friends, you query? - and throw him a surprise party...Oh, that's right...after his 40th surprise BDAY party, he told me if I ever threw him another surprise party with a room full of strangers and tired old queens, he'd kill me. OMG, I know the perfect gift...I'll fly him over to the West End to see some shows this fall...if he will get his ass on a plane...can't believe he's scared of flying... or crashing, whatever the case may be...He's one helluva guy, even if he is one helluva royal pain in the rear.

Have a great August, my dears, cherish every baubble that you have, and if you find my DIAMONDS, send them on FEDEX...I will roast the asshole alive that abducted them from me!

Happy, happy!!

ps And, oh, puleeze stop writing and telling me how much I look like Don G! He only wishes he had the fabulous skin tone that I have. I have the skin of an 18 year-old. Don't you dare tell me to give it back, because I'm wrinkling the bejesus out of it!!!

Bye-bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've told Don a Hundred Times...

... To get out of the bushes and stop trying to do an impression of me! I know he needs a new 8 x 10, but this is ludicrous! No shrub enhances beauty, charm and grace - at least the natural kind to which I am accustomed.

Diva Dona and the Kiss of Peace

Alan Cumming gave me the peace sign. He was actually saying "F- - - off!" to a barrage of autograph hounds and paparrazi. Well, can you blame him, my dahlings? I could get into celeb chasing pap stories that would curl your p - - - - hair! That's fodder for another time. See you in August with my monthly dish!

Enter July and Independance Merriment

Sometimes, dear ones, I get so angry I could just spit. People do not listen to me!!!!!!!
My friends Karen and Gerry (below) just cannot hold their sangria. If I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times "Don't mix!" Well, my dahlings, at the Tony party, they translated mix as nix and did they paint the town! Here's what they looked like after everyone else went home. Don photographed them before he left. He and I know when to stop. I'm foregoing my ususal column this month for a few words of advice. Take it from Diva Dona:there are these infamous 4th of July barbeques coming up, so be safe not sorry. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!

PS:

I didn't say stop partying altogether. Don't be a bore, just let your boring acquaintances drive you home!

Zandra, Her Classic Look

Girlfriend Zandra in her beauty pageant pose,
or is that her early Streisand/Egyptian look?

Diva Dona on Tony Night

Tony Award night - party, party! My friend Don took me to a party where I got a little wild. Did I dye the hair too purple!!?? Loved Sean Hayes in his takeoffs as Annie and Spidey. That kiss with Kristen Chenoweth should dispel any rude comments that a gay actor cannot play straight! HA!!! He played a pretty mean piano too, that cutie pie!!!! And that basket he's carrying (pictured above) - WOOF, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I found you ... !!!!!!!!!

See you in July, my dears!

Katharine, dahling, Katie, Katie!! It's Katie Hepburn!

Who said that Katie Hepburn left us? They lied! She's here! My pal Don was photographed with her! I adore her and always follow her advice, my dears, about listening to the song of life! Don't miss her at the MACHA Theatre on Kings Road in WeHo through June 18 (selected dates - read Don's review!) and then she comes to NoHo for 2 shows only on the 19th and 20th at the Mayflower Club.

tadaaaaa!!!